My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
