So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
