I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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