He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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