Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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