y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
