I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
