she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
