My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
