I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
