I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
