Just mADE A PArabola og urine
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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