Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
