I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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