i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
