At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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