you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
