You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
