There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
