but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
