She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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