I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
