The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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