Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Small penises have feelings too.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
