Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
