their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
