It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
