He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
