I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this boner is exhausting
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
