Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
