come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
