Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
