why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
