Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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