I miss vodka workout Fridays
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have fence marks all over my body
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
