if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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