I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
