Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

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(703): View more from Virginia

bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

(901): View more from Tennessee

BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

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(434): View more from Virginia

I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.

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(406): View more from Montana

She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

Maybe you should talk to him first

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