That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
