i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just found puke in my bra..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's the barista slut.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize