So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
