toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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