Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
