ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
