i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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