1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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