Your dad touched me again.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
