dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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