I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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