They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was confusing and full of hummus
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
