No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
