Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
