I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
