Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
