some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
