I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
