try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
