you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize