i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
