Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We are two peas in an std pod
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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