that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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