my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
