There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize