That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
