I wanna bring you to show and tell
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
