So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
