Umm I'm too high to move.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
