and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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