Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
