I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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