hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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