i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
