I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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