Umm I'm too high to move.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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