if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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